Scientist are finding more and more support for taking an relationship-based approach to autism treatment. The following section explains why. Included are easy techniques you can begin immediately to encourage the social development of your child with autism.

The Science

Earlier theories saw autism as a behavior disorder and so attempted to treat it through behavior modification, i.e. attempting to reinforce non-autistic behaviors and punish autistic behaviors to stamp-out the symptoms of autism. This view grew in the 1950s (soon after autism and Asperger’s syndrome were first outlined) when the trend in psychology was for behaviorism; a philosophy stating that only any organisms behavior was worth studying and science should spend no time investigating thoughts, feeling or conscious experience to understand human beings. Much work in the behaviorist camp was done with animal training. It is from this scientific backdrop that behaviorist treatments for autism arouse (e.g. ABA and various forms of the original therapy proposed by Ivan Lovaas).

Fortunately psychology has moved on and realized the crucial importance of studying thoughts, feeling and the conscious experience in understanding human beings. From this more modern and holistic approach to psychology has emerged a new understanding of autism. One of autism as a challenge in creating basic relationships. There is now much research showing that children with autism can be seen to be different to their typically developing peers as early as 6 months of age (often only in retrospect at this stage but researchers are working on ways to identify autism earlier than the usual 2.5-3 years).

Children with autism (or those who will be later diagnosed with autism) do not socially orient in the usual way. This means they do not pay as much attention as other children do to social stimuli, such as an adult calling their name or making eye contact with them. This is a very basic social function that typically developing children master in their first few months. Children who are delayed in developing the skill of social orienting are not learning to process social stimuli normally and are then delayed in developing the skills of joint attention (paying attention to the same activity or topic as another person) and shared affect (sharing emotional experiences with others). Over the first years of a child’s development these are crucial steps and lay the foundation for all future social and language learning. Without the ability of joint attention one can not have a conversation or even play a simple tickle game for very long.

Similarly this child can not begin to take another person’s perspective and imagine what another person might be thinking or feeling (developing a Theory of Mind) which is vital for participating in fluid social exchanges. Without these skills the child with autism is floundering in the ever-changing social arena and instead focuses on things his brain is wired to grasp more easily – objects and mechanical (non-dynamic) systems.

It is not yet clear why children who develop autism respond to social stimuli in this way. Some psychologists have suggested that it may be because social stimuli are inherently complex, varied and dynamic or that the brain is wired in a way that is less able to process (or filter) social stimuli as opposed to more fixed, non-dynamic non-social stimuli.

It is well accepted among psychologists and child development experts that typically developing children learn through reciprocal, social interactions and that early relationships form the foundation from which children feel secure to explore the world at large. Children who are growing up with an autistic brain miss out on this fundamental social education. It is upon this understanding that relationship-based approaches to autism, such as The Son-Rise Program, draw and offer parents a way to provide children with the social education on which they have missed out.

The Easy Part

Here are some very simple, yet powerful, first steps that you can take to start redirecting your child’s social education.

1. Spend at least 30 minutes each day in a non-distracting room you have prepared for your child or at this point any quiet room where you can be one-on-one with your child (without the stimulation of electronic toys or other people).

2. Follow your child. Do whatever he or she wants to do. There is no particular activity that you should be doing, just do whatever your child wants to do. What is your child’s favorite thing to do? Does he or she like to line up objects, jump on the bed, run around in circles, make noises, talk about dinosaurs? Pick one of your child’s activities and go do it with him or her. We’re not talking about going and hanging out in the same room as your child runs around, we’re talking about running with him or getting down on the floor and lining up cars. Just do whatever he or she is doing no matter how silly it seems. Follow your child. Don’t try to lead or direct, just follow.

As you join your child in his or her activity focus on firstly getting absorbed in the activity. In The Son-Rise Program this is described as “being present”. Let go of all other thoughts. Stop wondering what people would think if they saw you running around flapping your hands. Don’t pay any attention to thoughts that tell you “this is silly”, “I’m too old for this”, “my child will think I’ve gone nuts!” Just get into the activity, whatever it is.

Once you are present with the activity start to find a way to appreciate this experience and the child whom you are following. You could look at your child and be grateful that s/he has found an activity s/he so clearly enjoys. You could find something to appreciate about the activity-the way your body feels as you do it, the way things look as you do it, or something about the sound of it. Find something about this experience that you can genuinely appreciate. Then focus on that feeling of appreciation as you continue to follow your child. Be aware of how it feels to be appreciative and grateful as you join your child in his or her own activity. Try to make your appreciation bigger and bigger as you continue.

Focus on having fun rather than on teaching your child anything. Remember that the simple act of playing with another person is the goal here and is much more important for a child with autism that any information you might be able to teach at this point. Just have fun!

3. Focus on eye contact. Position yourself in front of your child and as much as possible below his or her eye level while you play together. You could try holding any toys in which your child is interested up to your eye level as you hand them over. Finally, CELEBRATE whenever your child makes eye contact with you – cheer, clap, sing – do whatever feels good. You goal is to make eye contact an enjoyable experience for your child. Play! Be goofy, nobody is watching you! Enjoy yourself your child and the simple act of making eye contact with this precious little person.

By: Kat Houghton

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